Change and Challenge

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Whenever we start to tune in; whenever we start to act on the purpose, passions and priorities we’ve identified inside ourselves, we step into the streams of change. In big ways or small, life becomes different.

Many people don’t like change. They’re happy to live within normality. They may even be afraid of change. They want to stay out conflict and storm. But, to believe that you can evade or avoid change is a fantasy. The one thing constant in life is change and you can either change with it or get left behind.

I hope that you are not reluctant to change and that you don’t fear it. If you look back at your life, you’ll see that you have changed over and over again. If you’re not where you want to be in life, that doesn’t mean that changing has failed you – in fact, it probably means that you haven’t changed enough.

Hopefully, these three P’s – purpose, passions and priorities – have given you a thirst for change, or at least a willingness to drink from that cup. But, I also want you to realize that change will test you – more than that, it will proof you. Proof is a wonderful word. In addition to the usual meaning of evidence concerning something, it can also mean “to test for strength or durability.” Change will do that to you. Proof also means “to treat or coat for the purpose of rendering resistant to damage or deterioration.” Change will do that too – in resisting the opposition, you will build up your muscles.

“If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain”.

We all face storms in our life, and we need to learn to weather them. There are three ways. Some storms you walk through. You stay steadfast and remain patient in the face of the challenge. Some storms you calm, with the help of God’s peace. And some storms you walk over. You do something you never thought you could do before. You take a job you didn’t think you could do. You “jump the facts.” You ignore what everyone says and what’s been done before and you take up the challenge. You walk on water; you jump the facts. When I was nineteen I couldn’t get into the university I wanted, but by my early twenties, I was teaching there.

Never let yesterday use up too much of today. If something bad happens one day, learn from it and move forward, because you can be sure that something new will happen today. Life can be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

An excerpt from my book, “Utmost Living”

To get a copy for you or a friend CLICK HERE

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Life 101: Break Ups…

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It’s in the news…all around us. People are breaking up. Whether it’s celebrities like Joe Jonas & Ashley Greene or Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel…break ups can be devastating. Breaking up is usually not easy because you have both invested your time, energy and many times your heart into relational real estate. It is a challenge many are going through. ”What do I do now?” Once one part of a team … and now flying solo.

One of the worst things people do is try to fill the gap too quickly. Like going to a party and sitting next to a guest all night. Maybe you had fun, but you gave none of the other people at the party any attention. During my travels, I’ve realized more and more that the world is very big. It offers many opportunities – you may not even know existed out there.

There are three things you should do after a break-up:

1st Consider
It is important to understand why a relationship does not work. Give yourself some time to reflect on whether there is anything you can do differently – that could lead to a more stable relationship next time.

2nd Work on yourself.
Many times we are so busy living life from our partner’s perspective that we lose our own way in life. Many good things have been achieved after a break up because it was beneficial to take care of yourself.

3rd Spend time on others.
Sometimes you can be so focused and committed to your relationship that your friendship circle gets smaller and smaller. What used to be a large collection of acquaintances can be reduced to just a few. You may sit there and think about what to do over the weekend, but instead of getting down maybe it’s time to spend time on someone else. Think about all the great people who are “alone” – not just on the weekends, but throughout the week. Now that you’re single, you might have some extra time to stretch out a hand to others and brighten their day.

“Some people are with you for a reason, some people are with you for a season, and some people are with you for a lifetime.”

By the way, focusing on others and expanding your circle is not just for single people. It is what we are made to do. Whether you are in a relationship that works, single or somewhere in between, you are the one in control of the decisions you make in life.

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Relationships are like socks…

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“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” – William James

I get asked all the time as a Life Coach, what does it take to have an utmost relationship. Let’s be honest. We have all gone through difficult times in relationships. I have some friends who got dumped at prom, many friends who went through an ugly divorce, a lot of friends who feel just plain stuck in what seems to be a horrible relationship.

We see couples all the time at the beach, the mall or the movies who seem surprisingly happy and in love, but we all know that at some point, they will, if they didn’t already, have a fight or disagreement. What makes the difference between bliss in the relationship and feeling like it just isn’t working? Attitude.

Now let’s remind ourselves that it takes two. This means both parties need to take a look at their attitude. This is where many couples find support in a counselor or mediator. Like the old saying, “relationships are like socks, you need two and they should match”, it is necessary to make sure you are on the same road.  This doesn’t mean you have to be identical in your likes and dislikes, but it does mean that you should be both willing to support each other’s goals and dreams because they also fit into yours as well.

Here is an example.  My nephew is married to a wedding planner who’s dream it is to support couples on their special day.  Now, while it is not his dream to do the same, it is however his dream to see his wife happy and fulfilled in her career.  The same can be said for her support of his work as a designer.  They are not two identical people, but rather two people who’s attitude it is to support each other on the journey.  This common ground is the basis for a long, healthy friendship.  Its about providing an environment for others to be their best and vice versa and in doing so you make way for your best.

“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.” – William Arthur Ward

Living your utmost finest life while being a support for others to do the same is a difficult, but rewarding experience. Remember, it’s not just about you, we were meant to do life together. So whether you are working on better friendships, business relationships, marriage or simply how you interact with your community, remember loving you neighbor as yourself requires both loving yourself by living your life at the utmost level as well as supporting those around you in doing the same.

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This Morning’s Show – “StoreyTeller” on SiriusXM

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This morning’s show on SiriusXM, we are getting into some great conversation on the topic of relationships. Whether you are single and smiling, married or even going through a difficult divorce, we are talking about it today. We air Saturdays from 10am to 12pm EST (7am to 9am in LA) on Sirius 102 or XM 155 (you can get a FREE* SiriusXM 30 daysonline trial here).  My guests this week include Wayne Brady (Comedian and Grammy nominated singer) and Dr. Colleen Hawthorne, M.D. (Mental Health Physician, Life Coach, Mental and Emotional Health and Wellness Consultant, Speaker, and Professional Emotional Intelligence Mentor). Call in this morning to ask questions at 1.888.410.2102.

Wayne Brady

Emmy award winning Wayne Brady is one of the most versatile performers in show business today. He has been entertaining audiences with his acting, improv, singing, and dancing on television, film, and the stage. Working on everything from The Dave Chappelle Show, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, Dirt, and Everybody Hates Chris to Whose Line Is It Anyway? and The Wayne Brady Show. In September 2008 Brady’s debut R&B album A Long Time Coming was released by Peak Records and his cover of A Change is Gonna Come earned a Grammy nomination.

Dr. Colleen Hawthorne, M.D.

Colleen Nadine Hawthorne M.D. is the founder of A Renewed Mind Behavioral Health, LLC, and Colleen N. Hawthorne Coaching and Consulting Services. In addition to providing services through her private business entities, Dr. Hawthorne currently serves as the Medical Director of a community mental health center in Washington, D.C..

Dr. Hawthorne has a special interest in providing psychiatric services, coaching and professional consultation to health care providers, business executives, and religious leaders and their families. She has been a featured guest on various radio and television programs, providing expertise in the areas of mental and emotional health and wellness, and mental health and spirituality.
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