Life 101: Break Ups…

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It’s in the news…all around us. People are breaking up. Whether it’s celebrities like Joe Jonas & Ashley Greene or Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel…break ups can be devastating. Breaking up is usually not easy because you have both invested your time, energy and many times your heart into relational real estate. It is a challenge many are going through. ”What do I do now?” Once one part of a team … and now flying solo.

One of the worst things people do is try to fill the gap too quickly. Like going to a party and sitting next to a guest all night. Maybe you had fun, but you gave none of the other people at the party any attention. During my travels, I’ve realized more and more that the world is very big. It offers many opportunities – you may not even know existed out there.

There are three things you should do after a break-up:

1st Consider
It is important to understand why a relationship does not work. Give yourself some time to reflect on whether there is anything you can do differently – that could lead to a more stable relationship next time.

2nd Work on yourself.
Many times we are so busy living life from our partner’s perspective that we lose our own way in life. Many good things have been achieved after a break up because it was beneficial to take care of yourself.

3rd Spend time on others.
Sometimes you can be so focused and committed to your relationship that your friendship circle gets smaller and smaller. What used to be a large collection of acquaintances can be reduced to just a few. You may sit there and think about what to do over the weekend, but instead of getting down maybe it’s time to spend time on someone else. Think about all the great people who are “alone” – not just on the weekends, but throughout the week. Now that you’re single, you might have some extra time to stretch out a hand to others and brighten their day.

“Some people are with you for a reason, some people are with you for a season, and some people are with you for a lifetime.”

By the way, focusing on others and expanding your circle is not just for single people. It is what we are made to do. Whether you are in a relationship that works, single or somewhere in between, you are the one in control of the decisions you make in life.

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Relationships are like socks…

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“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” – William James

I get asked all the time as a Life Coach, what does it take to have an utmost relationship. Let’s be honest. We have all gone through difficult times in relationships. I have some friends who got dumped at prom, many friends who went through an ugly divorce, a lot of friends who feel just plain stuck in what seems to be a horrible relationship.

We see couples all the time at the beach, the mall or the movies who seem surprisingly happy and in love, but we all know that at some point, they will, if they didn’t already, have a fight or disagreement. What makes the difference between bliss in the relationship and feeling like it just isn’t working? Attitude.

Now let’s remind ourselves that it takes two. This means both parties need to take a look at their attitude. This is where many couples find support in a counselor or mediator. Like the old saying, “relationships are like socks, you need two and they should match”, it is necessary to make sure you are on the same road.  This doesn’t mean you have to be identical in your likes and dislikes, but it does mean that you should be both willing to support each other’s goals and dreams because they also fit into yours as well.

Here is an example.  My nephew is married to a wedding planner who’s dream it is to support couples on their special day.  Now, while it is not his dream to do the same, it is however his dream to see his wife happy and fulfilled in her career.  The same can be said for her support of his work as a designer.  They are not two identical people, but rather two people who’s attitude it is to support each other on the journey.  This common ground is the basis for a long, healthy friendship.  Its about providing an environment for others to be their best and vice versa and in doing so you make way for your best.

“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.” – William Arthur Ward

Living your utmost finest life while being a support for others to do the same is a difficult, but rewarding experience. Remember, it’s not just about you, we were meant to do life together. So whether you are working on better friendships, business relationships, marriage or simply how you interact with your community, remember loving you neighbor as yourself requires both loving yourself by living your life at the utmost level as well as supporting those around you in doing the same.

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