Moving Forward

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I wrote back in February about a kid I grew up with in school. His name was Terry, and he was eight years old. A group of us boys were hanging out at lunch one day, and Terry walked into the lunch room. I wished I knew what was going on in Terry’s head because he wet his pants at school that day! I know this is something that may happen with young kids, but Terry was already eight years old. I thought to myself, “Wow… why couldn’t he have worn jeans today?” Terry had on white pants, but that’s not the strangest part of the story… Terry walked right into the lunch room like nothing happened, and kept the same pants on all day! If that were me, I would have run, jumped, or even flown away and looked for safety somewhere.

Twenty years later I was at my school reunion when Terry walked in. It was the same confident walk he had when we were kids. When some of the other guys saw him they said, “Hey there’s Terry… the guy who wets his pants.” It was a little surprising that they said “the guy that wets his pants” as though he did it all the time.

Many times that’s how life is. It tries to label you, or define you in a bad moment. Terry obviously got past that embarrassing day, but apparently not everyone else did. I liked the way he walked into the room like nothing ever happened, because he refused to get stuck in an “almost” life. The word almost means: not quite, nearly, and just about.

move forwardMany become stuck in “almost”, because of bad choices or events that happen in their life. They sit and settle in the middle of the negative event that happened. Kobe Bryant could have done that, but instead he said, “I can’t let what people think or say about me bother me.” Or Britney Spears who said, “I made mistakes, and it is what it is… I still have a lot to learn.” They both got up from their “not so finest” days and decided to do their best to move forward.

You see life is full of moments that aren’t so perfect. All of us have to work through our faults, flaws and failures. I’m sure most of us have had days that we wish we could take back. I know I do.

I was at the gym one time and I saw this big, muscular guy wearing a t-shirt that read: “No Regrets”. That was a nice shirt, with a nice slogan on it, but it’s not always easy to live by those words, but you have to always try and move forward in the best way possible.

I have the privilege of helping many people who are stuck in an almost life—and sometimes, their finest life seems far away– and it’s amazing how many wrong choices can create a bad situation, but one good, healthy choice can turn that all around.

We are finding ourselves at the beginning of Spring 2013 and ready for new growth and fresh air. You may have had some challenging moments, days, weeks, or even months this past year, but you are still standing. I’ve always said it this way, “You may not be what you wanted to be, but thank God you’re not what you used to be.”

I really believe that 2013 can be your finest year ever, so let’s make a choice today, that the best is really yet to come and that we will never let challenging moments stop us from our destiny.

CHALLENGE

Let’s be like Terry… even though he knew that we knew what happened all those years back… he maintained his “swagger” and stood tall. And do you want to know what Terry is doing now? Terry became a very successful doctor and is living his finest life.

Whoever you are and whatever you want, I know that you are capable of achieving it. In fact, I know that you are capable of achieving much more.

 

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The Power of Accepting Responsibility

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Back in the 70s, comedian Flip Wilson portrayed a character named Geraldine. No matter what happened, Geraldine’s answer was always the same, “The devil made me do it!” This was hilarious, because we knew Geraldine do what Geraldine wanted to do, and she caused all her problems. In real-life setbacks, many times the devil didn’t have anything to do with our problems either!

Before my good friend Nacho passed, I had been going to his barber shop to get my hair cut since I was fourteen years old. One day I pulled up in front of his shop and thought I had put my car in park. Actually, I’d put it in reverse. I reached down to get my wallet, and felt something go Bam! I jolted back up in my seat and yelled, “Somebody hit me!” I was mad and got out of my car, looking for the culprit. There was this beat-up, old Celica behind me. Nobody was in it, so I fumed, “This is a hit and run!”

A lady who lived next door to Nacho’s came out of her house and said, “I saw it.” I said, “Well, what did he look like?” She said, “You hit it.” I laughed, “You’re teasing.” She said, “No, you hit it.”

The owner of the Celica was in the barbershop, so I took a deep breath, went into the shop, and said, “I hit your car.” I had to go to my car insurance agent later and say, “I hit the car.” It was hard to admit I was at fault, but in the end I felt like a man and not a mouse. When our setbacks are caused by our own actions, the quicker we admit responsibility and make things right, the quicker we get to our comeback.

When you do the right thing, you become a little taller, straighter, and steadier. Accepting responsibility for your own actions brings stability and consistency to your life. This is what employers are looking for in their employees. It is what a single person is looking for in a mate. And it is what the world around you is waiting to see in someone.

That was my fault. I did it. I said it. I take full responsibility. These statements are hard to utter! They grate against our pride and self-centeredness. They also open the floodgates for God to help us stay steady in and maintain momentum in a very frustrating time, whether it is in a setback or in the process of a comeback.

CHALLENGE: Think about some of the decisions you’ve made in life and claim 100% responsibility for your actions. You may not be 100% to blame, but you can take full responsibility for your response and actions. You can’t truly walk in your comeback without taking responsibility for your setback.

 

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Labels

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It’s a part of life. We seek to label others, whether for organizational purposes or purely out of jealousy. That person is young, old, black, white, rich, poor, divorced, single, ugly, pretty, a good mom, a scary person, a loser, a world shaker. It is part of our human nature to see someone for the first time and attempt to define them.

This is useful at times, but can become devastatingly destructive as well. I shared a story at The Study last Tuesday about a kid I knew in grade school who wet his pants…once. When he got to middle school the stigma stuck and so on through high school. At our 20 year reunion, he had become a doctor and in most of the world’s eyes, very successful, but when he entered the party, some alumni in the corner whispered “hey look who it is, the kid who wets his pants.”

Rahab was labeled a prostitute because, well, she was one. She was’nt labeled a mom concerned for her family or courageous women who helped the Hebrew spies. Even much later in Hebrew 11, she is listed as a person of great faith, but still referred to as Rahab the prostitute.

We all have been labeled by others. Sometimes we even label ourselves. Just because you had a baby at 16 doesn’t mean you can’t live a great life as a mother. Just because you ended up in a divorce doesn’t mean you’re destined to live a lonely destitute life. Just because you are a felon, doesn’t mean you have to stay in that mindset forever.

David failed. He lusted after Bathsheba, slept with her, had her husband killed to cover her pregnancy up. But he also, after being confronted, acknowledged his path and returned to a life of following God. Later, the writer of Acts recalls what God said about David, “a man whose heart beats to my heart.”

I’ve shared over the years, the story of Diane. She had extreme learning difficulties and would walk by my house most days at around the same time. We eventually became friends and she would share about her work putting spoons, forks and knives into  a small plastic bag. I worked with her and always encouraged her about how great she was doing, even telling her that if she saved up her money, she could eventually have enough to go to Disneyland. Her family quickly noticed her change in demeanor. She was no longer being labeled “handicapped” or insignificant, she was being labeled a hard worker and a dear friend.

We have the power to shift someone’s life…both positively and negatively. We have to power to build up or destroy. How are we talking to our kids? How do we talk to our spouse? How do we talk about ourselves?

I CHALLENGE YOU

Remove all the negative and limiting labels that have been placed on you and rise up to be the person you were created to be. Watch what words we put on others. Begin to speak life to others and speak life to ourselves.

 

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Another Year Wiser

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As a kid, I was so intrigued by life. Its ups and downs. Its challenges. I wanted to conquer anything I put my mind to. Whether it was baseball or basketball, I wanted to be my best. When life threw me some pretty big curves as a kid, like my father and one of my older sisters passing, I had to quickly learn to not settle in my setbacks if I was going to meet the challenges I so eagerly wanted to conquer. As I got older, life got harder. The more successful I got, the more setbacks I faced. Some of them I stood strong through and some I failed through, but all of them I learned through.

What I’ve learned about life is the that it’s a journey and wisdom comes to those who learn from their setbacks. I’ve committed to a life that not only focuses on entering my comebacks, but teaching others to learn from their setbacks and enter their comebacks. Failing forward.

Our birthdays have a way of putting into perspective how far we have gone in a year. I think about all the people I have been blessed to lead into their comebacks, whether it was the kids in South Africa, the couple in Texas, the grandma in Florida, or the celebrities in Hollywood. I am blessed, because I have learned to be a blessing to others. I am blessed because I am learning to serve and not be served. I am blessed because I listen to my mom, two sisters, and trusted confidants who encourage me when things get rough, to push through, learn and gain wisdom from my setbacks.

I look forward to another year.

 

Living the Finest Life…No Matter Where You’re From

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I’ve noticed that one thing I really don’t like are low ceilings in a house. Have you ever walked in a room and just felt like the ceiling was too low? I found out from some contractors who build houses that houses have a set minimum position where the ceiling has to be—it’s not allowed to be too low.

Cape Town, South Africa

I was speaking in Cape Town, South Africa a few years ago, and as many of you know Cape Town is one of the most beautiful cities in the world and was host of 2010 The World Cup. I was telling this group of about 500 students that dreams come true and that we have a promise, that we can walk in the right principles, that we can get through problems, and that we can all have the reality of meeting our goals.

I used stories of the rap and hip-hop star, Jay-Z because these kids love hip hop. We talked together about him coming from the streets of Brooklyn and how he believed in himself, and found certain principles to live by and then step by step his dreams came true. “He even got Beyonce!” I told them, the kids laughed. After I was finished telling my story there was a round of applause, but immediately afterwards I was surrounded by kids with questions. “Mr. Storey, can this really work where we come from?”, “Do you really believe these things you say, or do you just say them to make us feel better about our lives?” These questions really got to me… I wasn’t motivating people in a mansion in South Beach, Miami, or in a celebrity’s house in Beverly Hills. These were kids, who wake up everyday living in an environment that most of us really can’t even imagine.

I walked by their homes– which many looked as if they could be assembled in one day, they were made of metal with hard floors. This was their reality, this is what they saw everyday. Talk about the low ceilings that we all don’t like… Everything is cramped in most of these houses, they didn’t have much room for anything… including people. I believe the message of your finest life is universal, I don’t believe we will all have the same things or have the same experiences, but I do believe we don’t have to be trapped in an almost life. An almost life, means “not quite”. You “almost” got happy. “Almost” lost weight. “Almost” saw your dreams come true. So these young people were saying to me, “Does your message of living your ‘finest life’ work where I come from?”

I believe in order for us to live our finest life wherever we are whether it be Stockholm, Brooklyn, Whittier or the challenging parts of South Africa, we need to do these three things:

First of all we need to “think big in small places”. No matter how small or cramped your surroundings are, you need to let your imagination soar beyond the low ceilings. Whether it’s a small house that confines you, or a bad relationship that is crowding you in, you must take time to imagine. In the case of the young people in South Africa, I challenged them to go to their school library and read biographies of different people who thought big in small places.

Secondly, you need a boost. When I was a kid we used to jump over to this lady’s house to pick her avocados. She was an older lady and she gave us permission to come and get the avocados from her trees, but sometimes when she would leave to visit her sister’s house for weeks at a time… we were too impatient to wait, so we would jump her high, brick wall. The best guy at climbing the high trees was the smallest of all of us. We needed him on the other side of the wall where the trees were to pick the avocados, but he was too small to get over the wall by himself so we would have to give him a boost up. One guy would get on his hands and knees and the smaller guy would stand on his back. That gave him just enough height to get over the wall. That’s what all of us need from time to time… is a boost up, for someone to sacrifice their time, talent, finances, or even their energy to give another person a boost.

The third thing, what we all need to live our finest life in any situation is… a big dose of patience. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a magic wand that we could wave and all our problems could go away? Unfortunately, life isn’t that easy and it doesn’t work that way. Rarely does one hit the lottery, or “the one” discovered by Steven Speilberg for a movie role while walking down the street. Usually it takes awhile to transform, and renovate any situation. This can be tedious and time-consuming, but don’t forget that success leaves clues. By you finding your way out and sometimes over difficult situations you are leaving the combination for others to do the same.

After taking another hour just talking with a lot of the students after my speech we decided that step by step with another person’s help we could live a better life and that the better life could lead to one’s finest life. Finally one female student said, “Don’t get discouraged by our questions Mr. Storey, we just wanted to make sure you really believed we would do great things in life. I plan on being a doctor, so let’s keep in touch you might need me someday.” And then she smiled. She’s right; maybe someday she’ll be the one to give me a boost.

“You have many years ahead of you to create the dreams that we can’t even imagine dreaming. You have done more for the collective unconscious of this planet than you will ever know.” 
 Steven Spielberg

PSALMS 37.4: “Delight yourself in the Lord and he shall give you the desires of your heart.”

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